Yesterday I was wrapping up a crocheted gift I made for my super awesome chiropractor. I can’t share the finished work until after my appointment on the 16th. There is a pic below of the little culprits. I whipped up a second set to show you.
So I found the YouTube video to follow and got to work on the different parts of the project. I got to the part of the video for the leaves and thought, “Ok, you can do this!” They looked harder than other things I’ve done before so I was not sure if my skill set could pull it off. The moment I slip stitched into the other side and the leaf was officially done, I felt tears well up in my eyes. “I did that! I can’t believe I actually pulled it off!” I text my mom a picture with the text that said, “MOMMY! I MADE LEAVES!!!” I felt like a young child finally figuring out how to tie their shoes.
This moment puzzled me. I’m a grown woman, and a stupid little leaf almost made me cry? No, I’m not pregnant. No, it’s not that time of the month to be completely irrational. It was a deep sense of accomplishment, that is rarely felt by me. I had a childhood friend that was rather insulting and constantly putting me down. I always felt like I couldn’t do anything right when hanging out with her. My make-up attempt was trash. My clothing choices were trash. I couldn’t sing. I couldn’t dance. I mean legit, I’m not sure there is anything she thought I could do or well. The criticism for so many years left a huge scar on me. The current day doubts of being a mother, do not help. It’s all a mess, but this little leaf gave me pause and a sense that I could actually do something right!
In my attempt at being intentional this year, I am intentionally pushing myself outside of my comfort zone to try new things. This has fulfilled that goal, and I look forward to many many more leaves to come!
Outnumbered Six to One 