This morning was too chilly for the flip flops, so I was forced back into socks and shoes. Haven’t had to wear them in months, but Oregon’s weather is only good for a short time. And that time is quickly dwindling. I am not the flip flop all year round girl. I don’t know how they do it. I may be a native Oregonian but that one isn’t for me.
So I slip on my shoes and it hits me again. How stupid shoes look with jeans on my body. I have such big feet, I can’t have cute shoes. I wear a size 12 in women. That’s stupid big. It’s an 11 in men’s. I joke that I’m 5’9” on a good day, but I’m probably 5’11”. I feel 6’ tall though surrounded by my little children.
The only store that’s ever carried my shoe size was Payless Shoes, and their gone now. When they did their going out of business sale a few years ago, many aisles we picked over. Very few shoes remained….except size 12 and 13 in the women’s section. I felt like I won the lottery! I stocked up, buying multiples of the same tennis shoe, knee high boots, slippers, and flip flops, in my size to last me for quite a few years. I always joke God gave me big feet to save my bank account. I can’t just walk into any store and find a cute pair to match a new outfit. Never have. Maybe my feet will shrink down to an 11 someday, so I could. But that day is not here yet.
So I continue to struggle with the way my shoes look on my body with jeans. Frankly, I don’t know if it’s the jeans or the shoes. Probably both. Either way, they don’t make me feel good about myself. I tie it all together with my signature green hoodie, and I’m out the door everyday looking like something that rolled out of the trailer park. Messy bun and no make up, too. And it sucks cause I actually do live in a manufactured home community but it’s a beautiful one in a wealthy town. We all know the stigma is still there though, and I fight that mental battle every day. I don’t have to keep up with the Jones’. We know this roof over our heads, is a blessing in so many ways. But I digress. That’s for another blog post.
So these shoes. My feet stick out so far, I can’t do a tapered ankle Jean, boot cut even looks funny. Doesn’t seem to matter what I try, it looks like I have clown shoes on. Flipp flops are the only thing that make my feet look normal. A lot of self-image issues going on over here. I’m glad I don’t have a shoe hoarding issue, I just wish one pair of tennis shoes would make me feel cute for once.
Outnumbered Six to One 