You text and called me tonight. It doesn’t happen too often. You asked me for a resource I didn’t know of, and shared your current need with me. I share that same need, but I’d always dreamed of it having you in it too. I don’t wish I could take back the last 9 years we’ve been apart. Separated by a mutual person, I’ve learned so much. My pain is not one of anger or bitterness, it is one of grieving. If loosing my son wasn’t enough, loosing our friendship of 20+ years was almost as brutal. I wish you could have watched me walked the road of grief and loss over my son. I wish I could have called you in those physically debilitating moments of despair. I wish you could have watched me grow as a mother while I had three more kids. I wish you could have watched me co-parent with him, from this side of the driveway. Instead you were inside the home, assuming a need to protect your family from me. I wish you could see how he and I co-parent now, and even more than that, I wish this for you guys too. In my eyes, you are the one grounded in His truth with a never ceasing prayer life. I knew my son was spiritually fed by your kindness that emulates Christ in so many ways. I always strived to be like you as a mom, but I can’t even compare. I’m glad you and I talk now, I just grieve all the things we lost along the way.
Outnumbered Six to One 