I’m a daily reader in the YouVersion Bible app. I enjoy their small Bible reading plans, I can tailor it to an emotion I need help processing through.
This morning I decided to search for “PTSD”, and nothing came up outside the lens of veterans in the military. I was very bummed about it. I was hoping for something centered around the trauma of loosing a child. So, I searched “infant loss” and some relevant plans popped up, but they were all centered around grief. I mean, I get it, but I was hoping for something a little different and more commonality. Note to self: Contact YouVersion and make a request.
I picked a plan, “Behind the Laughter: Trusting God Though the Midst of Tragedy”. Admittedly, I don’t know who this comedian is. Anthony Griffith and his wife Dr. Brigitte Travis-Griffith. I read through the 5-day plan in about 30 minutes, and it prompted me to start this blog. Their baby girl Brittany, was born with Down Syndrome, lost her battle with Leukemia at 3, and he lives with Multiple Sclerosis. I mean, dang! That’s tough stuff! (By the way Anthony, they spelled you wife’s last name wrong on the Day 5 devotional.)
But something else popped off the page at me. His wife’s desire to help at-risk infants who have mother’s experiencing trauma. She didn’t have a nurturing mother growing up. And then his desire to teach little children at Sunday school. And that it took them 10 years after their loss to begin putting the pieces together and pressing forward into what God had waiting for them. They found ways to serve others, and it allowed them to process their grief.
That’s where I’m at, and I can relate so much to their journey. It’s been almost 10 years since we lost Josh. I’m only now beginning to press into this grief and loss journey. Despite my traumas growing up, my poor decisions as a teen, finding my son dead, and everything in between….I know I’ve always wanted to help people. I know someone could relate to the many parts of my story. Teen pregnancy? Drug abuse? Sexual addition? Divorce? Co-parenting after divorce? Infant loss? Parenting after loss? I come with a whole host of life experiences that I can pull from in order to help someone.
The day Josh died, I said, “I know God is going to use this, I just don’t know how.” And then the humility battle began. The struggle with speaking out about his death and worrying people will accuse me of using his death for notoriety. I swear, everything I attempt to accomplish – gets squashed. I’ve never completed a goal I set out to achieve. But reading their story this morning renewed a desire to do just that. I want to write books. I want to speak out about his death. I want to talk about all the things I’ve dealt with, and overcome! Gods work in my life should be praised and shared, not hidden. So maybe, just maybe, that can begin to grow in 2022…..Not my will but His be done.
Outnumbered Six to One 