This is going to be more of a journal entry, as opposed to a blog. I want to write down what happened for memory keeping sake. But it’s relevant. It fits. It’s my life, and how un-fitting it is that crap like this, fit.
My son Matthew is 4 and has mild Cerebral Palsy. He is weak on his right side. He has been in therapy since 10 months old. All three disciplines – PT, OT, and Speech. His abilities and his needs for our assistance, is like breathing. It’s just built-in that he needs varying degrees of support. On the stairs, playing on the playground, he doesn’t eat like a normal kid, sensory issues cause him to chew on non-food items. You get the idea. We’ve adapted, and it’s just like breathing for us now.
So on Christmas Eve, we were at my in-laws for dinner. All the kids around their own table. We’d served them and they began to eat while adults were working on getting their plates. I don’t know what happened the 10 seconds before. Maybe he was goofing off, maybe he just lost his balance. A loud commotion came from his spot in the dining room. When I looked up, his neck was pinned between the tables edge and the back of the chair. I began running to him but my mother in law was in front of me and I was not going to be able to pass her, but my dad turned around from where he was standing and was able to reach down and pull him up and push the chair off him. The image of his head stuck in a position that could choke him, is burned in my mind. The chair legs were wedged perfectly up against the wall. My dad pushed it sideways to dislodge it. Matthew was frantic but Grandpa cuddles helped.
I was frozen. I felt my anxiety rise. I couldn’t function. I looked at Nick in his high chair and felt like I couldn’t leave any of my kids at the kids table to join the adults at theirs. Too far away if something was to happen. I’m very sensitive to meal time and potential choking. Matthew spent 21 months on puréed baby food because he would choke as a baby on solids. The muscles the right side of his throat were too weak. We’ve had choking episodes with Matt and Nick. It’s a daily occurrence to be on high alert when the kids are eating. So I sat in a chair at the kid table and pretended to be hungry, and watched Matt and Nick, carefully.
I tried to push past it and have a good time. But it left me feeling off the rest of the night.
Outnumbered Six to One 