“Healing doesn’t happen in the darkness.” That’s what I told my pastor today in a lengthy email after church. I wrote out many ways in which PTSD stops me from living. I felt the need to share it with him. Keeping it to myself doesn’t help. We’re a few days into 2022, and I’m already … Continue reading Healing Doesn’t Happen in the Darkness
Tag: loss mom
2021 -That’s a wrap folks!
Honestly, today I have been in a funk. Yesterday I had visioned hubby and I taking our three boys to Costco but we didn’t have the energy. That happens a lot. We did take them outside to play in the snow 3 times this week, so we’ll count that as winning. As 2021 ends, I’m … Continue reading 2021 -That’s a wrap folks!
Christmas Eve 2021
This is going to be more of a journal entry, as opposed to a blog. I want to write down what happened for memory keeping sake. But it’s relevant. It fits. It’s my life, and how un-fitting it is that crap like this, fit. My son Matthew is 4 and has mild Cerebral Palsy. He … Continue reading Christmas Eve 2021
I’m going nuts, Texas!
Every so often, usually a few times a year, I get this exploding urge inside my chest to pack up the whole family and move to Texas. That urge is upon me again. In times past, I will begin intensely researching towns, schools, house prices, jobs. And by whole family, I mean I’ve talked to … Continue reading I’m going nuts, Texas!
The Raw Truth – Part Three, of many
I spend time wondering if my ability to irrationally panic inside my brain, would be considered a “flashback” or if it’s just being irrational. Is it considered “expected”, given what I’ve been through? Will it ever get better? Cause it’d definitely gotten worse over the years. Here me out.... I have this unique super power … Continue reading The Raw Truth – Part Three, of many
My Daily Devotional and a Christian Comedian
I’m a daily reader in the YouVersion Bible app. I enjoy their small Bible reading plans, I can tailor it to an emotion I need help processing through. This morning I decided to search for “PTSD”, and nothing came up outside the lens of veterans in the military. I was very bummed about it. I … Continue reading My Daily Devotional and a Christian Comedian
The Raw Truth – Part Two, Of Many
The diagnosis of PTSD surprised me last Wednesday. I just assumed since I was discharged from therapy 7 years ago, it was dealt with. I did two years of intensive CBT along side couples therapy, after Josh died. My flashbacks are no longer controlling me. I can think about that morning myself, they no longer … Continue reading The Raw Truth – Part Two, Of Many
The Raw Truth – Part One, of many
My best friend growing up, was severely abusive to me mentally. She constantly told me all the ways in which I sucked at whatever it was I was doing. I sucked at softball, picked out ugly clothes, I did my make up wrong, I’m dating a douche bag, etc. The nickname given to me around … Continue reading The Raw Truth – Part One, of many
Desperation Knows No Bounds
A few days ago, I got this wild idea! Maybe I should apply to local private schools so my kids can attend - deeply discounted, or for free. I’d even volunteer full time at their school, just so they could attend. I’m not sure we’d ever be able to afford sending all 3 boys to … Continue reading Desperation Knows No Bounds
“Everyday Feels The Same”
He said that. He actually said that! My 8 year old actually said those words to me last night. “Everyday feels the same.” He was asking a few questions and trying to figure out when the end of the year was, when Halloween was. I was punched in the gut by those 4 words. I … Continue reading “Everyday Feels The Same”
Outnumbered Six to One 